Stuck on the Couch? How to Encourage a More Active Lifestyle with Your Partner (and Keep the Romance Alive!)
Dear Abby tackles a common relationship challenge: one partner loves to be active, while the other prefers the comfort of the couch. Is it possible to bridge this gap and build a shared, healthy lifestyle without causing friction? Abigail Van Buren, the voice of 'Dear Abby,' offers practical advice and empathetic guidance for couples navigating this very issue. Find out how to motivate your sedentary partner, maintain a loving connection, and enjoy a more vibrant life together.
Dear Abby,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, and I love him dearly. However, we have very different approaches to fitness and activity. I’m an avid runner, enjoy hiking, and generally try to stay active. He, on the other hand, is perfectly content spending his weekends on the couch, binge-watching TV. I’ve tried gently suggesting we do things together – walks, bike rides, even just a trip to the park – but he usually resists, claiming he’s tired or doesn't feel like it. I don’t want to nag him, but I also miss sharing active experiences with him. How can I encourage him to be more active without pushing him away?
– Active & Anxious in Sydney
You’ve hit upon a very familiar problem, and it’s wonderful that you’re approaching it with concern for your boyfriend’s feelings. Nagging is rarely the answer; it will only create resentment and push him further away. Instead, focus on creating a positive and inviting atmosphere around activity.
First, understand that his reluctance might stem from various factors. Perhaps he had negative experiences with sports or exercise in the past. Maybe he’s dealing with underlying stress or fatigue. Try having an open and honest conversation, not about his inactivity, but about his overall well-being. Ask him how he’s feeling and if anything is preventing him from feeling more energetic.
Next, suggest activities that are enjoyable and low-pressure. Don’t start with a marathon! Begin with something simple and fun, like a leisurely stroll through a local market, a picnic in a beautiful spot, or trying a new hobby together like dancing or kayaking. The key is to make it about spending quality time together, not about a grueling workout.
Here are a few additional tips:
- Lead by example: Continue enjoying your active lifestyle, but avoid making him feel guilty about his choices.
- Find common ground: Are there any activities you both enjoy, even if they’re not particularly strenuous?
- Offer support: If he does try something new, be encouraging and celebrate his efforts, no matter how small.
- Be patient: Changing habits takes time and effort. Don’t expect overnight transformation.
- Don’t make it about you: Frame your desire to share active experiences as wanting to spend more quality time with him, not about him needing to change for you.
Ultimately, you can’t force your boyfriend to be more active. However, by approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and a focus on shared enjoyment, you can create an environment that encourages him to embrace a healthier lifestyle – and strengthen your relationship in the process.
– Dear Abby
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
